Priyanka’s post got me thinking..
Yes, Nia is a reflection of us, both me and Vikrant. And I am not sure I like what she is getting to be. She seems to be picking up the worst of me and Vikrant. Is it cause we are spending more time scolding her than anything else?
When we thought of having kids, it scared me. Well I am not exactly a “kids person”. Before having a niece, I could have sworn I hate kids. Well, I didn’t know how you could love yelling, demanding, self-centered monsters! I was scared of having misbehaved kids myself. And before I had my kids, I was one of those misbehaved yelling demanding self-centered monsters! How my mom found it in herself to love me is still a mystery.
So when I had Nia I was sure I wanted to be strict with her so she was not misbehaved. I was blessed to have her, a docile angel who wanted to be pampered and protected from the world. But even then I was not taking chances and I put further restrictions. Don’t touch the glass objects, don’t climb the unstable chair, be careful when you crawl under the table… and so on. Now that I think of it, I do have a well behaved girl who is amazing with outsiders but at home it is a whole different story. ( I know I am the same and that is what scares me) But in the process did I hamper her creativity? Did I stop her from exploring? Am I stopping her from being herself and wanting her to become what I want her to be?
It is not easy being a mother. And my grandma’s generation was better off. They always had someone with them who knew what they were doing, like their mother or mother in law, and they did not know about all the psychology issues that we hear about now. If they felt that they needed to scold the child or even slap them once in a while then it was ok. Today when I think that Nia deserves a slap, I start thinking about how it would affect her and if it would give her some kind of a complex! God I don’t know anything about raising children but I do want what is best for them.
If I were to go back to when Nia was 1 year old, I know that the one thing I will change is that I will NOT scold her or shout at her as much as I did! I used to get frustrated but I have to lead by example and shouting is not something I want her to learn. I remember when I used to punish her too. I would tell her to stand in a corner and she would do that – till the time I got tired and asked her to come back. The punishments stopped when I went to my mother’s place cause my mom wouldn’t let me, and Nia’s health improved.
Another thing I would change is Vikrant’s absence. Even now Nia is insecure about her parents going away and leaving her alone. Even though I have never left her alone anywhere, her biggest fear seems to be our absence.
What really goes on in a child’s mind? How do I help her grow and make her own decisions and live her own life while also keeping her in check? Where do I get all my answers cause surely a book doesn’t have all the answers I am looking for!