“…. the young prince saw the beautiful maiden and fell deeply in love with her….. and they lived happily ever after.” From our childhood, we hear such stories about true love.
What they don’t tell us is what true love really is. So we look for it around us and our hindi cinema becomes our inspiration towards true love. How many of us have watched movies like DDLJ and wished for our “Raj” to come into our lives and sweep us off our feet with his love and charm? Oh isn’t he just perfect? The charming casanova who falls in love with the simple girl and leaves his “glorious” ways, travels half way across the world to find his love and fight all odds to be with her forever…Well I sure did.
They say ” Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener”. We sure saw that in Chalte Chalte < Ok it’s getting obvious that I am a SRK fan>. Romantic love couldn’t survive a year of marriage.
But what we don’t realise is that what comes after that is the truest and the most pure form of love. But before we talk about what love is, let us see what love isn’t.
Love is not about trying to change someone. It is not about trying to make someone better ( something a lot of us feel it is). It is not about finding and improving faults in the other.
Love is acceptance. Acceptance of what the other person really is… it is accepting him/her with her faults. That is why they say there is no love like a mother’s love for her child. Cause no matter how the child is .. beautiful/Ugly, selfish, aggressive, timid, violent, thoughtful, fat/thin, bald, young/old, intelligent or a total loser, the mother will always accept and still love her child no matter what. Sure she will try to improve her child, but that doesn’t mean she loves her child any less. She wants her child to improve so that he/she is better accepted by the world. But she, very selflessly, accepts and thus loves her child. Sure she is taken for granted but this is the purest form of love.
The same applies to ‘Romantic Love’. When we ask ourselves why do we love him/her, we have a lot of reasons for it. He is good-looking, thoughtful, caring, family minded, and he loves me… (the list could vary and I am no here to cover all the reasons you may love someone). The point is, why should there be a reason to love? Love is.. for no reason. Love is not just when there are positives. Love is when you accept the negative points of the person and not just tolerate them but live around them, bending and adjusting and even laughing/enjoying them. Love is when you know you will be taken for granted but at the same time know that you can take him/her for granted as well.
I am not saying that you should enjoy an abusive relation. He/she takes you for granted is one thing, but if he/she is abusive ( verbally/physically) to an extent that it kills your self-respect then run… it’s not love. Long lasting Love is and always has to be two ways. If he can take you for granted cause he knows you love him, then you should also be able to take him for granted for the same reasons. If you can accept him with his faults, so should he. When love is one-sided, it doesn’t really last long, well not long enough anyways.
Today I can say that after a beautiful courtship, and nearly 6 years of marriage, I love my husband… why ? Well not because he is perfect as i thought he was during our courtship, not because he is “perfect for me” as I thought when we were getting married, but because I now know and accept his imperfections and still love him all the same.