Thoughts after Delhi Belly

So I watched the much talked about movie – Delhi Belly. My thoughts on and after that movie – Nice movie that could easily be made much cleaner. I mean do you really need to hear an abuse every 2 minutes in the movie? No. Fine you want to show the “real” world where the son of a rich father stays in a house whose roof falls off! But even in the real world do we really abuse THAT much? The movie should leave an impression on you based on the story it tells, but all I remember of that movie are the abuses.

I don’t know about you but I come from a family where abuses are not so common. Frankly I have not heard my father use the MC BC MF abuse EVER. His biggest abuse (that he used in front of us kids) was “ullu ka patha” and “Gadhe ka bachcha”. So you can well imagine what hell broke loose when I started using the F word in college. Everyone abuses, alright but for us sexual abuse were unheard of. Even today I can not get myself to say the MC BC words and use the abbreviation if I ever need to make its reference like I just did.

I too abuse, not at home but when I drive. And even then I stick to the ullu idiot type of abuses – harmless right! Well no not really, cause I realised that my 3-year-old can easily pick those up. And I can not even begin to describe how I feel about a child using abuses. I dislike it, no I hate it… no actually I feel so disgusted with the idea of a child abusing that I can’t go further on that topic. So imagine my horror when I realised that, unknowingly, I had taught my daughter an abuse.. not the ullu gadha type .. but (i am guessing ) a sexual one … Let us face it ..Bhaag Bhaag is a catchy song.. and I had NO IDEA that DK Bose was an abuse. One could hear me and Nia sing that song quite often.. yes.. laugh all you want.. but when someone told me it was an abuse I was horrified. The efforts I had to put in NOT to sing that song and also to make Nia stop singing…. Every now and then we hear it being played somewhere and start humming it. But now I am particular to skip the abusing bit.

So back to the movie Delhi Belly .. Why so many abuses in one movie? I quite like the movie but I would have liked it better if it was cleaner.

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The purpose of life …

Caught in the daily routine of life, we tend to forget what life is all about. But there are days when we sit down and wonder, what is the purpose of our lives? Is it to earn money and provide for the kids? Is it to enjoy the moment and spend lavishly to buy happiness? No one really knows, and I am no sage, but here are my two cents —

The purpose of life is to be happy. Yes, it is as simple as that.

 

We haven’t been sent here to suffer. On the contrary, we are here to be happy. So whatever you do, is to be happy. We learn things as a child, our first step is taken and we get applauded. We made our parents happy and we are happy. We study hard, get to a good college and then a good job… all so that we can earn well and live comfortably.

Yes, we were sent to this earth to be happy. But today if I am going to be happy by spending all my money on food and clothes, should I do that? No, cause if I do that how will I be happy tomorrow? So I am going to redefine the purpose of life.. It is to be happy today and tomorrow. Our aim should be long-term happiness. Am I going to be happy today by spending lavishly but at the same time, saving some for tomorrow? Sure why not, chances are that I will just as happy as I would have been had I spent all my money.

Similar rule applies to all aspects of our life. At any point when you start feeling sad and lonely, you should try to think what would make you happy and then do it. But remember, happy not just today but in the long term as well. Someone would say, what if what would make me happy would make someone else sad? Well, the answer is: how important is that person for you? I am not saying that you should make yourself happy at all costs. If what you do, puts someone else in a loss or hurts someone, then how can it be a long-term happiness? And if that person is very important to you, then his/her happiness will affect your happiness as well. So doing something that will make him sad can not make you happy in the long-term.

May be an example will make it clearer. Today I want to party, all through the night, get drunk and have not a care in this world. I feel that will make me happy. But there are people who get effected by this – my husband and my kids. My husband will not be happy if I get drunk and my kids will feel abandoned if I am partying through the night. Sure I would have been happy today if I went for that party, but tomorrow when I come back, I would see my family who got effected. Would I be happy then? No, I don’t think so. So, I balance it out. I go for the party, enjoy and dance to my heart’s content ( or in my case till I have the stamina) and then head home to my family. I am happy and so is my family.

I am not sure how many of you agree or even see sense in what I wrote, but I still feel : The purpose of life is to be happy, today and tomorrow but always keeping your priorities in mind.

It was a Saturday

“What time is it?” wondered Shruti as she opened her eyes in the morning. It was 6 AM. She still had another hour before she really had to get up. “Or I could get up and get some household work done while Yana sleeps” thought Shruti. At 7:30 she tried to wake up Sid, “Utho, you’ll get late for office”.  ” You are the only wife who likes to send her husband to work on a saturday” exclaimed a sleepy Sid. ” Oh its saturday! I am sorry. Go to sleep” replied Shruti. ” Darn, the househelp would come in late as well. And I have already prepared lunch! Why am I so forgetful? Why did I not realise it is Saturday?” Yana woke up and Shruti got busy bathing, feeding and playing with her daughter. She adored her. Her world revolved around her. When Sid woke up they had breakfast. “Let’s go out today. There are some fantastic sales. Even Mark and Spenser has 70% off” said Shruti. “Shruti, I don’t like to go out every weekend. You do realise that I go out everyday and would like a day to sit at home” replied Sid, “I know you like to go out on weekends cause you are home the whole week. But let’s go tomorrow. Ok?” “Fine, achcha the computer isn’t working again, have a look at it, ok?” and she settled down with Yana and finishing the household chores.

“Who is ringing the bell at this unearthly hour?”, Ruchi said rubbing her eyes, yawning. It’s just 3:30 PM but its Saturday.. I could have slept a bit more. She opened the door. It was Shanti. Ummmm … I could still snooze a bit. ‘Baby .. Baby utho… Khana bana diya hai, kha lo…’ Shanti said. ‘Hmmm theek hai Shanti’ “Uth jao baby, 4:30 ho gaye hain… ” “Are Shanti, Saturday Sunday late aaya karo na” ‘ Ab iss se late kya aaon baby. Ghar pahunchte hoe 5 baj jaye ge”. “Achcha theek hai, kya banaya hai?” “Aallo beans” “uff achcha kal kuch achcha bannana, yeh lo Rs. 20 kal ki sabhji le aana.” “Kal ke liye rajma le aao, raat ko bhigo dena. Aur haan maggi bhi khatam hai. Le aana. Ab mein jati hoon” Uhhh the house was clean, food cooked, she really could just get up eat, get ready and be out of the house in another hour. OR she could sleep.

It was 5PM when Shruti woke up from her afternoon nap. Sid was washing the car. He loves the car, the TV and his computer more than me, smiled Shruti. Oh isn’t that what every housewife thinks? Anyways let me call Ruchi. It has been a while since I met her and she is just a few kilometers away. She remembered when Ruchi was in college and came over  every other day to Shruti’s bachelor pad as they called it. They were very close then. Yes, I’ll ask her to come over today.

The phone rang. Huh what??? Hello… “you are still sleeping?” cried her mother, “it’s almost 6PM”. ” Oh hi mum, yeah I felt like sleeping”, said Ruchi.  ” You really should get up now, didn’t Shanti come today?”, Mother asked. ” She did, cleaned the house, cooked and left” ” You know you really shouldn’t trust maids like this. You should keep an eye on her”, advised mom. “Mummy, what’s the point? It’s not like I have any valuables. Infact I don’t own a thing here. Not even a frying pan. My purse and clothes are locked in the cupboard. What will she steal? Maggi?” “still..” began her mother but Ruchi cut her short. “Mom I have to go get maggi.. I better get ready now.” ” Are, we speak once in a week and you can’t even spare 5 minutes for your mother? You didn’t even ask me how me and your father are?” ” Mum I am sure everyone is ok. Besides, you know my routine. If I call you at night you are asleep. And at this time everyday I am too busy at work. You know how it is mum.” ” Yes dear I know. One day you will realise that you take us for granted. Achcha talk to Shruti today. Don’t forget.” “Moooommmm, Shruti will insist on meeting”, she cribbed. “So what is wrong with that. She is your sister. You used to idolize her not so long ago” “Cousin,” she put in,” and I used to idolize her cause she was working, on her own, living a dream life when I was still in college. Now she is married and all she talks about is her baby. I like that baby, she is cute, but do I HAVE to listen to EVERYTHING she does?” “Hmm one day you will understand , but today you call her and talk to her, Promise!” ” Ok mom.. the things I do for you Bye… Love you”.

Ruchi wasn’t a CEO or even a manager in the company she worked for, but she was good at what she did and more importantly, she was happy with what she did. She liked her schedule even if no one around her understood it. She got up, called Shruti and as expected they made a program to meet.

Okieeee, shopping done and Shruti is about 10 minutes away, time to get some coffee. Ummmm nothing like a cold coffee with lots of chocolate.  Uh, there is Shruti. Hmm check out her new car. Sid really does pamper her. Well I am happy for her. ‘Heyyy Hiiii how have you been” she said hugging Shruti. ” I am good, sorry got a little late, Yana vomited all over me just as I was getting out of the house”, exclaimed Shruti, ” are nahi I changed before I came”, she continued on seeing her expressions and eagerness to get out of the hug. Ruchi grinned. “are yeh kya? Why waste Rs 100 on cold coffee. Ghar pe Sid isse achchi coffee pila deta”, said Shruti.  ” yeah right” Ruchi said. “What’s all this you have Ruchi? Maggi? It’s not healthy you know. Anyways you could have gone to big bazzar rather than shopping at City Centre. You get good deals there and City centre is just costly” Ruchi laughed and then realised in horror that Shruti was serious. ” God Shruti, what happened to you? I didn’t even think of the cost. I wanted it and I bought it. Isn’t that what you used to do?” “Uh yes, but that was 5 years ago. Today I think before I spend. Even with groceries I try to figure out where I can save.” replied Shruti as they headed to her house and family.

It was 10 PM when Shruti dropped her home. She had a good time at Shruti’s house. Yana was adorable except for her diaper disaster. Sid was sweet as always. She liked meeting them. But now she was late for that party. Ruchi called Shaily and arranged for her to pick her up. She got ready as soon as she could and headed for the new clubhouse in Saket where they danced the night away. Yes it was a typical Saturday for Ruchi, and she loved every bit of it.

Shruti put Yana down in her cot for the night. Hmm it was a good day. She enjoyed Ruchi’s company. Sid was watching TV when she cuddled up with him to watch a movie. Yes it was a typical Saturday for Shruti and she loved every bit of it.

By the way.. You might have already guessed, Shruti and Ruchi are both me, just 6 years apart 🙂

LOVE IS…..

 

“…. the young prince saw the beautiful maiden and fell deeply in love with her….. and they lived happily ever after.” From our childhood, we hear such stories about true love.

 

What they don’t tell us is what true love really is. So we look for it around us and our hindi cinema becomes our inspiration towards true love. How many of us have watched movies like DDLJ and wished for our “Raj” to come into our lives and sweep us off our feet with his love and charm? Oh isn’t he just perfect? The charming casanova who falls in love with the simple girl and leaves his “glorious” ways, travels half way across the world to find his love and fight all odds to be with her forever…Well I sure did.

They say ” Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener”. We sure saw that in Chalte Chalte < Ok it’s getting obvious that I am a SRK fan>. Romantic love couldn’t survive a year of marriage.

But what we don’t realise is that what comes after that is the truest and the most pure form of love. But before we talk about what love is, let us see what love isn’t.

Love is not about trying to change someone. It is not about trying to make someone better ( something a lot of us feel it is). It is not about finding and improving faults in the other.

Love is acceptance. Acceptance of what the other person really is… it is accepting him/her with her faults. That is why they say there is no love like a mother’s love for her child. Cause no matter how the child is .. beautiful/Ugly, selfish, aggressive, timid, violent, thoughtful, fat/thin, bald, young/old, intelligent or a total loser, the mother will always accept and still love her child no matter what. Sure she will try to improve her child, but that doesn’t mean she loves her child any less. She wants her child to improve so that he/she is better accepted by the world. But she, very selflessly, accepts and thus loves her child. Sure she is taken for granted but this is the purest form of love.

The same applies to ‘Romantic Love’. When we ask ourselves why do we love him/her, we have a lot of reasons for it. He is good-looking, thoughtful, caring, family minded, and he loves me… (the list could vary and I am no here to cover all the reasons you may love someone). The point is, why should there be a reason to love? Love is.. for no reason. Love is not just when there are positives. Love is when you accept the negative points of the person and not just tolerate them but live around them, bending and adjusting and even laughing/enjoying them. Love is when you know you will be taken for granted but at the same time know that you can take him/her for granted as well.

I am not saying that you should enjoy an abusive relation. He/she takes you for granted is one thing, but if he/she is abusive ( verbally/physically) to an extent that it kills your self-respect then run… it’s not love. Long lasting Love is and always has to be two ways. If he can take you for granted cause he knows you love  him, then you should also be able to take him for granted for the same reasons. If you can accept him with his faults, so should he. When love is one-sided, it doesn’t really last long, well not long enough anyways.

Today I can say that after a beautiful courtship, and nearly 6 years of marriage, I love my husband… why ? Well not because he is perfect as i thought he was during our courtship, not because he is “perfect for me” as I thought when we were getting married, but because I now know and accept his imperfections and still love him all the same.

Husbands can cheat!

“Your Husband is cheating on you”, I blurted out. She looked up from the diaper she was changing and said ” Yeah, I know”. Huh??? What do you mean by I know? That’s it? I wanted to know.

‘Well’, she said settling down the baby in her arms, ‘ I am aware that he has another one in his life. But what do you want me to do? He loves my kids, he is still their father. May be out of guilt but he spends extra time with them and with me and we are happy at that time. He is getting attentive about things at home and how the kids are responding to him. But he needs another women to keep him happy, its sad but frankly, I couldn’t care less at the moment.’

I couldn’t believe what i was hearing. How can anyone be alright about her husband cheating on her? ‘No I am not alright about it. But what will you have me do? Scream and shout and upset myself? Cause no matter what I do, he is not returning back to me till he sees sense on his own. And I am not leaving him cause my kids love him and need him for a stable life.’

Ok, but have you confronted him at least? I asked.’ No.  What would you have me say to him? Ask him why he can’t be happy with me, his wife for 7 years? Why he needs to go to her to satisfy him? what did I do to deserve this? I loved him, left my career to have and raise his kids, gave up whatever life I had in the process, only to find out that he is having an affair? Is it fair? No. But out of this guilt he is becoming a better father, and our relation is also much better. We are not fighting constantly like we used to. Earlier he was all mine and we were spending 70% of that time fighting. Now he may be spending 3/4th the time with me and the kids, but we are happy almost 95% of the time. I am happier and that gives me positive energy to deal with the kids. There are times when I get upset thinking about his affair, but for most times I don’t have the time or the energy to dwell into it.’

 
I was surprised… but some part of what she said made sense. She was happier, and so I left the topic. But I am still not comfortable with this thought. Why is it ok for a husband to find happiness outside his home when his wife was ready to sacrifice her career and her own happiness for their kids and him? When will he realise that what he is doing is wrong, and in the long run will cause trouble in the world he has created. What is he thinking? How long will a girl continue an affair with a married man? What happens when his kids find out about his affair? There have been movies made on this topic with a happy ending of him returning to his wife. The wife always forgives him. But is this right?  Will we always keep forgiving men for every mistake they make because they are our ” Patti permeshwar” ( God in form of husband)?

Well .. Still troubled.

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